


Rebirth

by Ester_Roubuck



Series: SMZS prompt fills [2]
Category: Shubh Mangal Zyada Saavdhan (2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Homophobia, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:47:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23047267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ester_Roubuck/pseuds/Ester_Roubuck
Summary: The thought processes of various characters during the Kriya Karm scene. Canon divergent.
Relationships: Kartik Singh/Aman Tripathi
Series: SMZS prompt fills [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1665364
Comments: 11
Kudos: 30





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey Everyone! This is my first ever fan fiction.  
> The work is unbeta-ed and all mistakes are mine.  
> The characters belong to T series and Hitesh Kewalya.  
> Image credit goes to the amazing Bromance_in_Bollywood  
> [IG|BROMANCE_IN_BOLLYWOOD ](https://www.instagram.com/bromance_in_bollywood/)  
> Check out their profile.  
> Comments and criticism are always welcome.

# \---

If you were to ask her how she felt, sitting there waiting for her son, she wouldn't know what to tell you. She remembers the joy of first holding him, the worry of every time he got sick, the pride of every medal he’d won, the sadness of every tear he’d cried. She recalls the turmoil of joy, worry, pride and sadness she felt, when he left for college like it was yesterday. And yet, she could not tell you how she felt, right then. Because Sunaina Tripathi had never before, felt doubt in the fact that she was doing what was best for her son.

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Kriya karm, the last rites, are the rituals performed by the living, so that the dead may rest in peace. It is a solemn ceremony observed in somber faith. It is not this, never this. This is a mockery, no this is madness. This is the desperation of a man struggling to maintain control.

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Her contemplation was broken by the creak of the door. She looked up to see her son, who refused to meet her eyes. Suddenly she was transported in front of a much younger Aman, his eyes tearful and downcast, saying " Mummy mujhse galti ho gayi". However she had a distinct feeling that right now, his disappointment was aimed at her.

"Kitna pyaara lag raha hai mera Guddu", she said as she approached him, reaching out to caress his face. She felt the pangs of doubt yet again, as he turned away from her touch.

"Bhool gayi Mummy, aapka Guddu mar gaya hai. Uska kriya karm chal raha hai." His voice was devoid of any emotion, yet his words felt like a fatal blow.

As Chaman observed the gathering, he saw faces laced with confusion, curiosity and judgement. He was stuck between resenting and pitying his Bhaiya. Champa was silent beside him, clutching a picture of their daughter

Their daughter, the child Bhaiya Bhabhi had always claimed was as precious to them as their own. Was she not the one who had been wronged the most? They didn't know where she was, how she was, if she was alone, or even if she was alive! And here they were doing all this for a man who was well and alive, all in the name of family?

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"Beta, hum jo kar rahe hain tumhare bhale ke liye kar rahe hai", she tried to reason. "Tum bahak gaye ho, woh ladka tumhari zindagi kharaab kar raha hai."

"Mummy Karthik ko mat lao iss pagalpan mein", he replied with a sudden passion in his eyes. "Haan, usne mujhe badal diya hai. Usse milke maine ghut ghut ke jeena chod diya hai."

Sunaina could help but think that she'd never seen her son have such fire as he continued, "Aaj agar mai khud se, apni zindagi se khush hun, toh sirf Karthik ki wajah se."

"Khush ho tum?" She asked, incredulous, "Duniya se chup ke, khandaan ka naam dubakar, in ghinoni harkato se khush ho!?" She regretted the words as soon as she'd said them, but it was too late.

She could see his eyes dull as he said, " Aapko ghin aati hai, mere pyaar se, meri niyaat se, mujh se? Main kuch bhi karu, kaise bhi samjhau, aapki soch se nahi jeet sakta."

She could do nothing but watch as her son walked away, deaf to her cries of his name.

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"Chaman, zara dhekho toh, Sunaina kahan reh gayi?" Bhaiya asked, oblivious to the conflict brewing in his mind. As he was about to refuse, music filled the air.

_Woh aagaya, dekho woh aagaya._

A dozen faces snapped up.

"Aree, yeh gana kaun baja raha hai?" Bhaiya had barely finished asking, when lo and behold, the cause of all their problems walked in, bare chested armed with a rainbow cape and a megaphone.

"Kya aapke toothpaste mein pyaar hai?"

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Everyone! Sorry for the delay, was having some technical trouble.  
> Here is the conclusion.  
> The work is unbeta-ed and all mistakes are mine.  
> The characters belong to T series and Hitesh Kewalya.  
> Comments and criticism are always welcome.

# \---

Aman was pacing, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. His mother's words kept echoing in his head. She was disgusted in him, by him. The thought made his chest feel hollow. But he was not blind to the regret that had coloured her features. Did that soften the impact of her words though? No, it did not.

Still there was a voice in his head saying, "Maa-Baap hein woh, unke kaam galat ho sakte hain, sooch galat ho sakti hai, par neeyat nahi." And that voice was annoyingly similar to his boyfriend's.

Just the thought of Kartik made him smile, before everything else soured his mind. He couldn't do this, he was suffocating under the weight of his thoughts, he couldn't breathe. He needed to get out, needed some fresh air. That ought to help, yes, with that thought in mind he made for the door.

He had barely made it to the door when it snapped open in his face to reveal Goggle. He was stunned at the sight of her, still dressed in her wedding attire, looking haggard and exhausted. She was the most beautiful sight he’d seen that day. He rushed to hug her, startling a laugh out of her.

“Chalo, at least someone missed me.” she feigned a sigh. 

“Mazaak soojh raha hai tumhey?! Koi karta hai kya aisa?” His voice was a mix of relief and anger, “Mujhe toh call kar sakti thi na tu?”

“Aree, tab mera dimaag nahi chal raha tha.” Guilt filled him, he was about to say something, anything, somehow try and explain, when she cut him off.

“Maafi nahi chahiye mujhe, teri galti nahi thi.” At his incredulous look she added, “Achha puri teri galti nahi thi, thodi timimng dekh leta bhai”. He ducked his head in embarrassment

“Yaar Goggle, dimaag toh mera bhi pata nahi kahaan tha? Josh josh mein…..”

“Hosh kho betha?” she teased with a grin. “Ab yeh sab chod, peeche angan mein chal, dhamaka hone wala hai!”

The mischief in her voice made him uneasy. That had been the cause of a lot of pitai in their childhood days. “Kya matlab dhamaka? Ab kya kiya tune Goggle?” His question was more of a tired whine.

“Tere Amitabh koh saat leke aayi hun mai. Abhi karta hi hoga woh apni entry”, she had barely finished when music drifted in from the back yard. 

_Woh aagaya, dekho woh aagaya._

Aman rushed towards the sound as he heard a familiar voice ask:

"Kya aapke toothpaste mein pyaar hai?"

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"Kya aapke toothpaste mein pyaar hai?" He asked, the smugness of his features disguising the anxiety that plagued him. His eyes discreetly searched for a certain someone as he continued. "Agar toothpaste mein ho pyaar, toh Dil mein naf-", he suddenly stopped. His speech escaped his mind as cold horror flooded his veins. His wandering gaze had finally found what it sought, yet he could not believe what he saw.

A thud broke the silence as his knees gave out. He could do nothing but stare through rapidly blurring eyes, as his heart refused to believe what his mind was comprehending. How could he believe that he was looking at the memorial of his beloved Aman?

A cry of pure anguish tore through his throat, and the dam broke. Thoughts assaulted his mind, as fast as the tears streaming down his face.

_These bastards! Unne mere Aman ko maar dala!_

_No, they wouldn't, they couldn't!_

_Lekin, iska matlab, oh God no!_

_Yeh saab meri galti hai. I've killed my angel._

_Maine sunaa kyu nahi? Why am I so damn selfish?!_

_Mera baap sahi bolta tha… Mai zehar hun, I'm toxic._

_Everything I love turns to ash._

_Mujhe hi mar jana chahiye. The world would be better off for it._

He was speaking, but he did not know what he was saying. He was deaf to his words, to the world. His guilt was crushing him, his thoughts were choking him, he felt as though he was dying. And then he wasn't.

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Aman was paralyzed by the sight that greeted him. Kartik was on his knees, his body shaking by the force of his sobs. His family was standing around, helplessly watching, as the love of his life fell apart in front of his eyes. 

His mind unfroze as he saw Kartik fold in on himself, a tell tale sign that he was on the cusp of a panic attack. He rushed towards him, calling out his name but Kartik seemed unable to hear. He kneeled in front of him, and wrapped his arms around Kartik.

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And then he wasn't, because he was enveloped in strong arms. A familiar scent invaded his senses. The scent of home cut through his grief, like a flame through fog. He was dizzy with the onslaught of relief, almost on the verge of passing out.

He collapsed against Aman's chest, suddenly exhausted. His mind was a tangled mess of grief, joy, confusion, and a hundred thoughts. But at the forefront was the awareness of Aman's tangible presence, rocking him, soothing him, as he sobbed into his neck.

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As he sat there, holding together the raw remains of his love, Aman made his choice. 

He'll fight. He knows it won't be easy, he knows it won't be clean. But for this man and their love……

He'll fight the whole Goddamn world!

* * *

**~Fin~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading.  
> Comments and criticism are always welcome.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading.  
> Comments and criticism are always welcome.


End file.
